Thursday, September 25, 2014

My Hurting Heart...

Uncontrollably, my tears fell. I could feel my heart shattering into a million pieces just at the very moment when your palm hit hard on my face. Every of your merciless words seems to pierce through my heart like a thousand knives. I guess you will never realize that it was not the pain I felt on my burning face that has made me cried. It was your words that had hurt me the most.

You said that since the day we got married, I had changed from good to the worst. If you have knew that I am such a bad person, you would have abandoned me a long time ago. Well, maybe I had but probably you had changed too. Sometimes I just wish that you could just listen and understand me. But I guess you just get really defensive when I tried to tell you my opinions. Even when the whole world did not understand me, I once firmly believe that you will. However, it seems that I am wrong. It seems that I expected too much.

25 September 2014 became one of the worst day of my life. While in the rain, you dragged me out of the car, asking me to leave. Even when you knew well that I have no where to go or no one to turn to. It was your coldness that broke me down further. I believe I have never expected that there will be a moment in my life where love can actually hurt my heart so badly. I started to recall the days when we were still dating. Those innocence and freedom. I wish I could go back to that time again. Or perhaps, this is my punishment for causing hurt to my parents? I did not know.

You asked me whether I have regretted. This is a question which I have no answer. We have shared lots of happy and blissful moments, but the pain I felt in my heart now confused my mind. I could be too naive to believe that you will be a man who will always be accommodating. Eventually, I guess everyone just get tired. I believe I am not too overboard when I requested you to spend some alone time with me every week and listen closely to my heart.

Gently, you wiped away my tears, feeling sad and remorseful for hitting me. Yet, I could not stop my tears from falling. Every of your touch and kisses made my heart ache even more. A dozen of thoughts flooded through my mind. I felt fear for the first time when I looked at you.

Probably...The hurt which you had caused would never disappear. I did not know whether my broken heart could ever be mended again. Our relationship might not be the same as before again. But I did not blame you because partially, I believe it is my fault as I have accidentally hit you too. Even though I did not mean it, you mistaken my action as a slap. Angrily, you hit back...

Although it hurts, I still love and want you as much. Even when my heart hurts so badly...

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